
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Breakthrough

Monday, March 28, 2011
Mardi Gras
The dink, as usual, continues to amuse, amaze, and ambush me with his limitless enthusiasm, joy, and insatiability for the smallest details of his little life. His daycare teacher left me a note the other day that when she announced to the class that it was time to read a book and sing songs (everyday occurrence), the dink yelled "Oh boy!" and shrieked with excitement. That's just classic dink for ya.
He's also known to reach peak excitement over things like eating strawberries, going to the grocery store, watching Toy Story 3, and hearing Daddy come home. I wonder if this is simply a personality trait of the dink that he's inherited from his dad (I could see J acting like this as a kid--me, I haven't reached peak excitement since I got my hands on the Babysitter's Club Super Special #5 Winter Vacation book in the fourth grade), or if this is how all kids act when their worlds are so small that getting a pirate sticker for teeteeing on the potty is somewhat equivalent to me getting a 20% pay raise. I guess only time will tell.
I remember when the dink was a baby, only cooing and crying for communication, and I would think that I couldn't wait until he was talking because I was so curious to know what he'd say. Now we're definitely at that stage where he says cute and funny things all the time, but we're only just now getting a peek at how his little brain works. Sometimes I think he's genius, and sometimes that he hasn't got a clue, but I'm never in doubt of his charm, his sensitivity, or his humor. Again, traits from his dad. I'm pretty sure all he inherited from me is fat cheeks, short legs, and long eyelashes.
Some of the dink's recent highlights:
- Getting really good at using possessives, and assigning ownership to everything he sees. "That's daddy's tools, not mommy's", etc. But when it belongs to him: "That's my's!" I don't know how he hasn't figured out such a classic 2-year-old expression, but I enjoy it too much to correct him.
- I asked him to throw away a grocery bag full of trash into the big trashcan in the kitchen. Turns out the big trashcan was already full. So D pulls out the milk carton on the top of the trash to make room for his bag, smashes down the trash in the can, presses his bag down into it, and replaces the milk carton--end result was that the trash can was less full than when he had begun. This is something his Papa would be so proud of.
- Saying "Mommy, hold you" and "Mommy, help you" when he needs hugs and help.
- Showing affection for the strangest objects, like drawings of cats in his books, or 3-inch figurines of Elmo and a trashman. He makes sort of a pouty face, draws his eyebrows together, and pulls the book/inanimate object to his shoulder, with his head pressed down, and gives it a "hug." He's very serious about it to, this hugging of books.
- Taking Mardi Gras by storm. I mean, this kid was scooping those beads off the ground and throwing them around his neck like he'd been doing it for years. Every time another float came, he'd say, "Mommy, it's a [insert color] one!" Total sensory overload. And of course he could never get enough, even after we took him to the Bogalusa parade in the pouring rain. He's still asking me for more beads, and more parades.
- Skipping that whole "Mommy, I want..." phase and going straight to "Mommy, I need..." And the list never ends. In an afternoon, he'll typically declare that at the very least he needs juice, milk, a kite, a dog, a treat, to watch Toy Story, and cake.
- Getting good at telling stories. Really cute ones. Today I asked him what he did at school today, and he told me that he played on the playground, he jumped, and he bumped heads with the sky. Does it get any better than that???
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Deuce
Well, it's been a long time since I've taken a moment to write about what the dink's been experiencing, been learning, been teaching me...but it doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about it. Since baby #2, "deuce", arrived three weeks ago, the dink has been constantly on my mind.
I guess we didn't do due diligence in preparing the dink for the arrival of his baby brother. Sure, we added "baby brother" to the prayer list at night, and we taught him how to point to mommy's belly (and consequently daddy's belly and his own belly) when asked the question "Where's the baby?", but I didn't delve into books on today's theories about how to welcome a second child into a single-child situation where, by all obvious perceptions, #1 appears to be 100% content with his uniqueness. And I'm sort of regretting it now.
I've seen a new side of the dink since deuce arrived--a side of him I would have been happy to go my whole life never seeing. My mom says he's acting like a typical two-year-old. But what I see is a confused little boy who vacillates between two approaches to handling the new baby situation: 1) trying to put on a happy face, saying "hi, baby k!" when he sees his little brother, sharing his doggy lovey with him when he's fussing, and trying to climb into my lap when I'm holding him so he can ask me to say "my two boys!"...this is the approach that melts my heart and makes me proud of his glass-half-full view of the world and his ability to smile even when he's hurting. But then there's 2) exerting every ounce of control over me that he's spent the past two years building (I'll admit to being only partially aware of this), using whining, crying, and screaming frequently as primary forms of communication, and generally expressing his anger at me if not the whole world through those handy 2-year-old vehicles of temper tantrums, refusal to comply with very basic requests (getting dressed, taking a bath, etc), and frequent use of the words no, mine, do it!, and gguuuunnnmmmm--a multi-functional sound of extreme displeasure. This is the dink that infuriates me, saddens me, and drives me to question why we think we're qualified to raise a second child when the results of the first one are less than admirable... So I'm just praying that this, too, is another "phase" that will pass as quickly as the newborn baby struggles of fussing-all-day and up-all-night.
When my sister was a teenager, she was a door slammer. It used to drive my parents crazy, especially when she slammed her bedroom door upstairs. My dad claimed it shook the whole house. I remember one time, after a heated shouting match with my dad, my sister slammed her bedroom door for final punctuation. When my dad came upstairs soon after to tell me goodnight, I promised him that I would never fight with him the way that my sister did. Of course, that turned out to be a lie. Yet here I am, staring desperately into deuce's blue bug eyes and pleading with him already to not act like the dink when he is two years old, or any other time. But I can see, as I sway him right and left ever so gently, careful to rock him to sleep with the most agreeable rhythm, that he's already exerting his power over me, and I have no will to fight him. So here we are, and here we go again.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Two Years
Somewhere between our monotonous daily cycles of sleep/work/play/eat, and breathtaking moments of discovery about humility, empathy, and laughter...the dink turned two. Of course, I've heard it hundreds of times before--it goes by too fast; blink and they're teenagers...so I did expect the time to fly. But oh, how fast it has flown--especially for people like us who distinguish days of the week by the nature of our errands and to-do lists outside of working hours. So in some ways, I've really tried to listen to what people say, enjoying each part of the baby days of childhood before the next step comes too fast. But no one prepared me for how to avoid the grief of this moment, now that the moment has passed...when I find such sadness, guilt even, about my baby growing up.
Of course I am happy that he has survived the past two years: I am proud of all the words he's learned, tickled at the dance moves he's acquired, thrilled that he eats broccoli, pets cats, and would rather spend time with his family than just about anything else he's discovered in his entire little world. And I am happy that I've had the privilege of being his mommy. But it occurred to me the day of the dink's birthday party, when he woke up that morning having no idea of the commotion that would ensue, that at his age--and who knows, maybe it's like this forever--the birthday celebration is really about the mother. It's the day for me to remember how that little guy entered the world, how the world suddenly changed because he was in it, and how the two years that have passed since that revelatory November 10th are time that I have to close the door on, forever. Not in the sense of forgetting, but in the way that the years of all of our lives get whittled down into small treasure boxes of notable moments, milestones, pictures, choice stories. I've taken all the photos of baby dink that will ever exist. And I've spent as much time as I'll ever have nursing him, rocking him to sleep, holding him and communicating with him without language, sitting with him comfortably in my lap...and I'm having trouble coming to terms with that. I want more baby dink days, all three of us cooing in bed together on Saturday mornings. I want more anticipation of seeing him wear a new color and discovering his every look from a new angle. I want to keep watching him fall asleep, and I want him to keep calling me the second he wakes.
I guess this means that I'm ready for our new baby to arrive. Or maybe it means I'm not--that I'm grasping to hold on to the one that we have. Now I certainly don't harbor any notions that once a child turns two, I have to quit treating him like my "baby" and instead like a "big boy." I'll probably be like that old lady in Love You Forever, breaking and entering into his apartment in college to pat him on the back and make sure his feet are properly covered by his blankets (you know that's important to the dink). But without even noting the days of the time that is passing, I feel that babyness slipping further away. So while I am excited to know and understand who this little dink is with each year that his personality and his mind develops, for now, especially until the next baby arrives, I'll cherish the Mommy, hold yous and the sporadic hugs and kisses in the middle of play, and the awkward fit of him and me and my big belly in the rocking chair.
Probably one of the most notable moments from the day the dink was born that I relive almost every day was just hours after he was born, when J and I were finally alone and staring at the most precious specimen of human life we could imagine, and just seconds after marveling at how much we already loved him, I was gripped by the fear of continuing my own life if somehow I lost him. It's the worst part about having a child, in my opinion. And maybe this is more of a mother thing--after your body has spent so much time creating and bonding with this other being--the second that being breathes its own breath, you are suddenly rendered incapable of functioning without its existence. Sigh. So with that in mind, I guess I'll try to move past these feelings of sadness that the dink has already completed two years of life with me and spend some time instead thanking God that we have survived them, together.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Antics

Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Phases
There is so much advice and so many anecdotes and sayings that people love to tell you about raising kids. Depending on the giver, I find most of these things annoying, some occasionally amusing, and only about 20% right, by my experience. One of the good ones lately, though, is "it's just a phase."
I'm almost uncomfortable about how true this statement is, and how it can be applied to almost any aspect of the dink's life. What a fickle little thing he is, that dink. Here are a just a few.
Elmo Larger Than Life: While it's true that the dink's love and admiration of Elmo have far surpassed the phase level, what I'm talking about now is a new approach that the dink has taken to incorporating Elmo into his life. The dink has a special, extremely high-pitched voice that he reserves only for pointing out important things to Elmo: "See duck Elmo. Elmo, see quack quack quack..." or "See cars, Elmo. See 'rucks, Elmo." Then it gets worse. "Elmo, seat" (which means that Elmo eats dinner in the booster seat instead of the dink); "Elmo, potty" (self-explanatory); and even "Elmo, teeth" (I'm actually considering buying Elmo his own toothbrush). I can only dream about that fine day when I'll hear the dink say "Elmo, trash."
"PHASES" THAT I HOPE LAST FOREVER:
Dancing machine: The other day, a college friend called and asked me if the dink had started taking after his father and become a dancing machine. And the answer was YES. D loves nothing more than for J to plug his iPhone into the speakers, turn on the Pandora kid's music station, and dance, dance, dance. He does the classic toddler running in place dance, and then the twirl in a circle move I'm most fond of, and even some jumping up and down, running through the living room, and swaying side to side for slow songs. He calls music "sikic," and if you're sitting on the couch and he points at you and yells "Sikic!", that means you better get your booty up and dance, fast. Occasionally, he'll trade in his dancing shoes for a good march around the house, best led by daddy, and have us all high-stepping around the house in single file until someone calls "Salute!" and we all freeze in place with our hands to our foreheads. It's one of J's best kept secrets in his professional career that he was a drum major in high school...Lord knows what we've got coming.
Yes to Food: When something tastes really good to the dink, he'll look at me very seriously while eating, and shake his head up and down, saying yes, yes, yes. Yes, mommy, this is what you're supposed to feed me. Last weekend, Jon made a chocolate cake for my family birthday party, and the dink was in food heaven, his head bobbing up and down the whole time he worked every last bite of that cake into his mouth. Occasionally, he would look at me and throw in an "Mmmmm" while he was chewing. Then when I was putting him to bed that night, after he said his cousin S's name 4-5 times in reverence (S played with the dink quite patiently at the birthday party), he told me "Cake, yummy." Dancing he may get from his father. Going to bed thinking about chocolate...now that's my son.Friday, August 20, 2010
HUG

Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Songs
He’s also pretty good at catching the last word of each line of Mary Had a Little Lamb, about 50% of the words in Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and about 9-10 letters in the ABCs. And any day now, I’m expecting him to sing all 10 verses of Wheels on the Bus by himself because he makes me sing it so many damn times before bed each night. After reading his favorite Cars and Trucks book and naming all the animals in A Day at the Zoo, then prayers and nighttime diapers and kisses for Daddy and turning out the lights, we sing Wheels on the Bus 2-3 times, the first time complete with hand motions and beepbeepbeeps and ups and downs, the second time with dink joining in only on his favorite verses—the people going yakety-yak and the babies going wah-wah-wah… And then the third time, I sing alone as the dink yawns and snuggles with Elmo and Lovey in my lap. Occasionally he’ll lift his face up to me in between verses for a kiss, and I’m usually sold then on singing that never-ending song as many times as he requests.
The other night during story time, I guess the dink was feeling adventurous and brought me a new book—Love You Forever. Now I know I’ve read this book before but for some reason I felt myself hurrying through the pages to find out if the old woman would actually break into her grown son’s house to rock him in his sleep. And of course she did. The dink was interested in the drawing of her car with a ladder on top and kept wanting to see the “truck” page again and again while I was quickly flipping through to the ending. And when I got to the part where the man holds his dying mother in the rocking chair, I started crying so hard that my tears were falling all over the dink’s arm. Is it wrong for me to wish my own son the pain of holding me when I die? To fantasize about sneaking into his house as an adult and summoning mammoth strength to rock him in his sleep like a baby? Hmm. Probably so. Better enjoy Wheels on the Bus while it lasts.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Language

And then there’s the seemingly mindless babble that you realize is actually very serious discourse when he approaches you with his brows furrowed and a questioning look in his eyes and speaks about four sentences of totally unintelligible language, the last one always ending in a question. In the end, I 1) feel like a moron for not being able to answer him back appropriately, and 2) feel really sad that I can’t answer him back appropriately.
I do celebrate the occasional triumph when I finally understand what he’s been trying to say for while, making the connection between the random syllables and the actual object or action he’s referring to. For some, it’s like, Of course that’s what he was saying! But then there are some “words” that I’m embarrassed to even admit that I understand because they are so far off-base…
Dink language:
Ah-poo=open (cute)
Beyops=blocks (weird, but reasonable)
Gersh=fish (really funny to hear him say, but still an honest mistake)
Lum-lum=water (extremely embarrassing to admit to his daycare providers and even strangers)
And then there are those words that he refuses to say, preferring instead to use hand signals and sounds—the way he first learned them. So when we look on the “E” page of his alphabet book, and I point to “egg” and “envelope”, the dink attempts to say each, but when we get to “elephant,” he simply raises his right arm (trunk) in the air, and makes a high-pitched “brrrr” sound with his lips, because he learned when he was 12 months old that that’s what noise elephants make.